I talked to my bestest friend, Skinner, on the phone last night to finalize our New Years' plans. He was supposed to come and visit me. I find out last night that he's not coming. That news was not as bad as the reason why he can't visit:

He's leaving for the Marines a week from today...

I...really don't know what to say about that.

I won't even get to see him before he leaves.

I have gotten so much horrible news this week I didn't think I could take anymore. And then this....

When it rains, it fucking pours. Merry Fucking Christmas.

I was watching the news this morning and there was a short blurb about Hilary Clinton running for president. I told Zandra that it would be fucking awesome if Hilary ran for president. Zandra said that she refuses to live in a world where a woman is president. I couldn't believe she said that! I can see where she is coming from to a certain extent because I don't get along with too many females myself. However, I must admit, it would totally rock to have a woman president. I mean really, can she do any worse than Bush? I guess it doesn't really matter who the next president is anyway. Any joy I may feel about the newly elected president will be overshadowed by the joy I will feel when the Bush Administration gets the hell out of the way. The end.

For those of you that haven't seen the new Ciara video for her song Promise...I highly suggest that you check it out. I'm not really a fan of music videos and I'm not really a fan of Ciara. This video made me a fan. It is that serious. This is not a game. Just check it out...

All that time I spent filling out job applications yesterday actually paid off, and quicker than I thought. I got quite a few responses so I'm going to spend the day scheduling interviews. Can't wait!

But first...well, not first! *wink* (This one's for you Leslie!)
But definitely second...COFFEE.

For those of you that don't know yet...I moved to Miami! The only thing I'm really head-over-heels about is the weather. I have to admit...it is wonderful. But I must state for the record, aside from the weather --> Miami ain't got shit on Chicago! Real talk. I miss the Chi sooooo much. It's horrible.

The gay scene sucks here. I suppose if you've never been anywhere, Miami is decent. But coming from Boys Town...Miami just didn't make the cut. Miami is very touristy (for lack of a better word), and no one speaks english, but I will say this: The most beautiful Latin people in the world live in Miami, FL. I've seen men and women from almost everywhere. They are gorgeous.

I worked in Miami Beach for a while with the Human Rights Campaign. I was so excited when I got the job. I thought it was perfect for me, that I could really contribute something to the gay community. Once I actually started working, it did not take long for me to hate everything about the job and realize that it was not for me. I got another job though. It's decent, it pays well, nothing to write home about.

I still don't really know anyone, but I have met a handful of really cool people. I went to see Common in concert, with my girl Cash. Cash is this really fucking awesome, spicy redhead. We went to see Daft Punk together too. It was their very last live performance. It was off the fucking chain! Cash has taken me to a lot of cool reggae lounges. We just kick it.

Lately, I've just been doing to responsible work thing. It's taking a while to get used to. I have a little bit of free time these days which I will be using to update more often. I've missed my LJ friends!

The Conservatives' War on Birth Control
Opposition to birth control is an assault on the pursuit of happiness.

By Keith Lockitch

( Read this NOW! )

I have the most boring, ordinary life ever. Nothing exciting has happened lately. Just the normal, everyday stuff that no one really cares about or notices. I've been doing a lot of thinking, but I always do a lot of thinking. It doesn't do me much good.

I've decided that I don't really care to have any female friends. Those that I'm already friends with have been "grandfathered" in so-to-speak, but all other applications: DENIED! Yes, it's true! I am a lesbian that cannot stand the company of other women. Most of them are really cool...and then they start talking and I want to punch them in the throat. Since I don't think I could get away with punching people at my discretion, I'll just do the wise thing and stay the fuck away from them all together.

I'm not really ranting about any particular woman. Most of the women that come to mind, I don't even know. They are some user name plucked from their own simple little minds. Women I will probably never meet, and have no desire to ever meet.

Women judge me based on the things that I post in these journals as if they can actually get an accurate assessment of me and what I'm about from a few paragraphs strewn across the World Wide Web. I'm far too complicated and complex for that. These women judge me without even knowing me, unaware that judging me makes worse than they think I am. I think if women spent as much time supporting each other as they do judging and tearing each other down, this world would be a little less miserable.

For weeks now, the gay community here at the Job Corps center that I'm at have been organizing a Gay Pride dance to serve the gay community here and their/our supporters.

Last night I found out that the dance was cancelled by Billy Cooper. Cooper is our Exec. Director. He is the man in charge. The straight, black man who fought in Vietnam in charge. He said, "The whole idea rubs me the wrong way..."

That's really fucked up. My lesbian buddy, Korin, and I have decided to take action. I'm writing a letter to Cooper and she's starting a petition. We plan on taking this as far as it needs to go in order to show that this type of behavior, intolerance, and discrimination will not be tolerated. I don't think Cooper or Job Corps has any idea what they are in for. About 85% of this campus is African American. Of those 85%, about 35% are gay.

Cooper...you just pissed off a bunch of gay, black people. You are going down.

My Dating Status Button says: Polyamorous, Lesbian, Involved/Available
Polyamorous	Interested in multiple serious relationships.
Lesbian	Interested in only women.
Involved/Available	Currently in a relationship, and potentially interested in more.

Click here to find your own dating status button

It's been really quiet around here today. Nobody's really around, and it's hot as fucking slavery outside. Everyone (myself included) had been sitting inside enjoying the AC. I played some spades earlier today with a couple of my OTs (got my ass kicked). Most of the day has been spent with my stud brother, Patrice. She's nineteen, from Atlanta and she is one of the coolest people I've met in a while. And...she's smokin' hot! Patrice has got a low cut, she short and really petite, and she looks really good in a hat. We chilled and smoked today. Now we're sitting around watchin' some music videos. Good times. Good times.

I really miss Zandra today, but I'm starting to come to the realization that I'm going to be able to survive here without here. In fact, this temporary separation might be good for us. I've been really stressed out and on edge lately. Now I'll have more time to myself which will be very beneficial to my psyche.

ONLY TWO MORE SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL MY BIRTHDAY!!! ;-)

I had the worst day ever yesterday from (literally) the moment I opened my eyes. Just when I thought that things could not get any worse...I got the worst news I could possibly want to hear at this particular time. I was so excited to get the call from my Zandra last night. That should have been the highlight of my day. The conversation went something like this:

ME: HEY SWEETHEART!
ZANDRA: HOW ARE YOU DOING?

Immediately I know something is wrong. Zandra is usually ecstatic to speak to me on the phone. When I say hello she follows with a hello that is equally as excited as mine. This did not occur last night.

ME: FINE...HOW ARE YOU?
ZANDRA: I HAVE SOME NEWS...

At this point I take a really deep breath and let it out slowly because NOTHING good EVER comes after those words...this was no exception.

ME: WHAT IS IT, BABY?
ZANDRA: I GOT A CALL TODAY FROM MY CAREER MANAGER. HE TOLD ME THAT I WON'T BE RETURNING TO JOB CORP AFTER SUMMER BREAK...

My vision instantly become blurry due to the surplus of tears welling in my eyes.

ME: YOU'RE KIDDING RIGHT? BECAUSE IF YOU ARE, YOU NEED TO TELL ME THAT YOU ARE NOW BECAUSE THIS IS NOT FUNNY.

Zandra is completely silent and then I can hear her sobbing on the other end of the phone. I cry with her...I haven't stopped yet.

My baby left me this morning. Yeah, Zandra went to Miami for two and a half weeks. We have not be apart since we started dating. I got up extra early so I could say goodbye to her. I cried when I kissed her goodnight last night, and I tried not to cry this morning, but when she started I couldn't help myself. I was supposed to go with Zandra, but my Career Manager royally fucked up my itinerary. Oh well, she'll be back the day of my birthday. Not a bad present if you ask me.

I miss her already though. Despite that, the day has been pretty okay. My friend and I sat under a pavilion and took about four blunts to the head, I played some spades, caught up on my soaps, and got some much needed sleep. With the exception of getting baked and playing cards, these are things I don't get to do much when Zandra is around. Maybe we need this little vacation from each other.

I saw my Jazz Band instructor, EJ, today. He was talking about how we (I) need to be ready to work when break is over because everyone in the group has had a lot of weeks off because there was nothing to do. What really happened was that we had rehearsals and he would only tell a few people, and when I actually knew about the rehearsals EJ would show up late or just not show up at all. This was very frustrating so I tried out for softball just to have something to do in my free time. I didn't really think that I would make the team, but I did. The only problem with that is that my softball practices are on the same nights as Jazz Band rehearsal. Now I have to determine which I want to participate in (I would like to find a way to do both). I really hate having to make decisions. Even the easiest decisions are difficult for me because I am so indecisive. I really need to work on that.

I have a great disdain with people that abuse their power/authority. I have an even greater disdain for MEN that abuse their power/authority. Considering that I live in a world where a high percentage of people in power ARE men...Sometimes I feel like there is no hope. I ran into a man this morning that wanted me to kiss his ass and apologize to him for something I didn't do. And I quote..MAN: "IF I SAID YOU DID IT, YOU DID IT!" He attempted to belittle and demean me in front of my peers. Luckily, I'm too strong-minded and self-aware to let people like that get the best of me. Everything worked out okay in the end (I didn't get in trouble at least), but I'm still pissed. It's the principal of the matter. I hate corporate American, I detest the government and I detest men who think they can run all over woman BECAUSE they are men and have a little bit of authority.

I wish people who try to give me the silent treatment would realize one important thing: I INVENTED THE SILENT TREATMENT & I CAN DO IT BETTER THAN YOU!!!!

The strangest shit has been happening to me the past few days. Yesterday morning I was in the bathroom brushing my teeth and my roomie, Ariana, was playing this awesome Kanye West song that I haven't heard in FOREVER. I commented on how it's been such a long time since I've heard that song. Later...that same day...I heard a large group of people singing the same song.

This morning in class we were discussing watches and clocks and things that tell time (we were really bored) and I made a reference to Flava Flav and how I miss looking at Hoopz on Flava of Love. So this afternoon I open my e-mail and one of my ex-girlfriends sent me a NAKED picture of Hoopz! WTF is going on?

Maybe I have magical powers of subliminal persuasion. That would be fucking awesome!

Yesterday I was really bored, and a bunch of my friends were trying out for the softball team. Now try-outs have been going on for a few weeks now. Like the procrastinator that I am...I went on the very last day. Believe it or not --> I actually made the team. I have never played organized softball in my life. I played with my siblings and other kids in the neighborhood when I was younger, but that was about it. I play catcher. To me and to anyone else that knows me...the fact that I play catcher is just too hilarious to put into words.

I've realized that I'm getting old. Not only am I getting old...I FEEL old. I was playing ball with a bunch of seventeen and eighteen year olds. The last time I did ANYTHING athletic in nature...I was seventeen. I used muscles yesterday I haven't used in seven years. I woke up this morning and I could barely lift my right arm. My entire body hurts. It's time to get in shape and hit the weightroom hard. My guy James (the coolest boy on the planet) goes everyday. I told him I'm going to go with him. I'll let you know how long that lasts.

OMG!! I walked out of my dorm last night and James spotted me instantly. He ran up to me and told me that Andre put his fist through a window. Andre is not an angry person. He's my best friend here, and I have NEVER seen him get upset about anything. I guess he's under a lot of stress, and unfortunately he keeps to himself a lot. He still hasn't told me what's wrong yet, but we have plans to talk later. I'm really worried about him. I know that he knows he can talk to me about anything, but I can't make him tell me his problems. He's a grown ass man. All I can do is be there for him as a friend. He's in better spirits today which makes me happy. I just hope he's okay internally.

1) Have you ever been searched by the cops?
Yes, several times.

2) Do you close your eyes on roller coasters?
Hell no...I love roller coasters!

3) When's the last time you've been sledding?
Can't say that I've ever been sledding.

4) Would you rather sleep with someone else, or alone?
I never sleep alone. My care bear is always with me.

5) Do you believe in ghosts?
Not even a little bit.

6) Do you consider yourself creative?
Moderately.

7) Do you think O.J. killed his wife?
If the glove don't fit...you know the rest.

8) Jennifer Aniston or Angelina Jolie?
ANGELINA! No contest there.

9) Can you honestly say you know ANYTHING about politics?
I know enough to know that Bush SHOULD NOT be in office.

10) Do you know how to play poker?
A little bit.

11) Have you ever been awake for 48 hours straight?
Cocaine is a horrible drug.

12) What's your favorite commercial?
Commercials? Ewwww

13) Who was your first love?
Alexis Baker

14) If you're driving in the middle of the night, and no one is around, do you run a red light?
Ummm...no.

15) Do you have a secret that no one knows but you?
Yes

16) Boston Red Sox or New York Yankees?
Chicago White Sox

17. Have you ever been ice skating?
Yes

18) How often do you remember your dreams?
Not often enough.

19) When was the last time you laughed so hard you cried?
About two weeks ago. I was REALLY stoned.

20) Can you name 5 songs by The Beatles?
As I would rather cut off my arm than listen to the Beatles...this might be a tough one. But I'll give it a whirl.

1. Yellow Submarine
2. Hey Jude
3. Mrs. Robinson
4.
5.

21) What's the one thing on your mind?
I really hate stupid people.

22) Do you know who Ba-Ba-Booey is?
Should I?

23) Do you always wear your seat belt?
I admit it...I do not

24) What's the one talent you wish you had?
I wish I could draw.

25) Do you like Sushi?
No...I LOVE sushi!

26) Have you ever narrowly avoided a fatal accident?
Not a fatal accident, but I have narrowly avoided a fatality.

27) What do you wear to bed?
I prefer to sleep naked, but in the event that it's just not appropriate...I wear boxers and a t-shirt

28) Have you ever been caught stealing?
No

29) Does size matter?
Sometimes it really does

30) Do you truly hate anyone?
Yes

31) Rock or Rap?
All of the above

32) If you could sleep with one famous person, who would it be?
Angelina Jolie without a doubt

33) Do you know anyone in jail?
Currently? I don't think so.

34) Have you ever sang in front of the mirror?
All the time

35) What food do you find disgusting?
Corn. I refuse to eat anything that comes out whole.

36) Did you ever play, "I'll show you mine, if you show me yours"?
Not to my recollection

37) Have you ever made fun of your friends behind their back?
Yep

38) Have you ever stood up for someone you hardly knew?
Yep

39) Have you ever been punched in the face?
Punched? Hell no! Slapped? Yes

40) Do you love lemons?
I wouldn't go that far.

41) How old do you wish you were?
I wish I could relive the ages of 21/22

42) Where were you when 9/11 happened?
In my car on my way to work.

43) Do you consider yourself kind?
Not really

44) If you had to get a tattoo, where would it be?
I have a fairy on my lower back, but I want to get a phoenix on my upper back.

45) If you could be fluent in any other language, what would it be?
Italian

46) Do you know your neighbors?
Unfortunately

47) What do you consider a vacation?
Any time when I have to obligations

48) Do you follow your horoscope?
To the T

49) Would you move for the person you loved?
Yeah I would

50) Are you touchy feely?
To a certain extent.

51) Do you believe that opposites attract?
Yes I do

52) Favorite channel(s)?
Court TV!!!

53) Favorite place to go on weekends?
I follow the drugs and alcohol.

54) Showers or Baths?
Showers. I cannot fathom the idea of sitting in my own filth.

55) Do you paint your nails?
Excuse me?

56) Do you trust people easily?
I trust no one

57) What are your phobias?
I'm not afraid of anything really...maybe that's part of my problem

58) Do you want kids?
I could take 'em or leave 'em

59) Do you keep a handwritten journal?
I surely do!

60) Where would you rather be right now?
In Chicago on Belmont

61) Who makes you feel warm and fuzzy?
Zandra

62) Are you impatient?
Patience is NOT one of my virtues

63) Have you been burned by love?
Oh yeah...

64) What’s your favorite pick up line?
I don't need a pick up line. I seduce women with my charm and wit.

65) What were you doing at midnight last night?
Sleeping

66) What did the last text on your cellphone say?
Cell phone? I don't like to be that accessible.

67) Whose bed did you sleep in last night?
Mine...not by choice.

68) Most recent movie you watched?
I watched Runaway Bride the other night...it was on TV

69) What color are your bed sheets?
Green

70) What's your favorite town/city?
Chicago

71) How tall are you barefoot?
5'6"

72) Have you ever smoked heroin?
I have snorted heroin...wasn't aware that it could be smoked.

73) Do you own a gun?
People like me should not own firearms

74) What do you prefer to drink in the morning?
Mountain Dew...the breakfast of champions

75) What is your secret weapon to lure in the (in my case: same) sex?
My eyes

76) Do you have A.D.D.?
Not yet

77) Current worry?
EVERYTHING

78) Favorite place to be?
Barnes and Noble

79) Where would you like to travel?
Amsterdam and Egypt

80) Where do you think you'll be in 10 yrs?
Hopefully in Austin, TX or Phoenix, AZ

81) Last thing you ate?
A cheeseburger

82) What songs do you sing in the shower?
I do not sing in the shower

83) Last thing that made you laugh?
Philife being crazy

84) Worst injury you've ever had?
I sprained my ankle really bad once...I've never been seriously injured.

85) Does someone have a crush on you?
Yes...an icky BOY!

86) What's your favorite candy?
Snickers

87) What song do you want played at your funeral?
Tuesday's Gone by Lynard Skynard